I am really have a tough time of it at training at the moment. My body has not yet adjusted to this new approach to eating and I am still trying to work it all out. I feel as if I’ve gone from finally making some progress, to way back to where I started. It is pretty demoralising. 😦
This morning we did a monthly milestone workout. It was that delightful 13.5 open workout of 15 thrusters, 15 chest to bar pull-ups repeat by 3, scale as required. In my case that’s 25kg thrusters and pull-ups on the band, but even scaled it was disaster! I kept stopping, felt it was all too hard, had a panic attack (seriously not kidding) and nearly started bawling before the final lot of pull-ups! The only saving grace was the mantra in my head “I will NOT cry at crossfit!” At the end I finished miles behind my training buddies and felt the pits. I have finished last plenty of times and felt proud that I had made it through a tough work out, so why was today different? I really felt like I gave up in that workout this morning and did not give my best. Sure it was hard, sure I am not at my peak energy levels, but it was ultimately a problem in my thinking that undid my physical performance. I had given up before I’d even started. I feel shame for my effort not pride.
So what is the moral to this sad tale of woe I write for you? It is not how I compete against anyone else that really matters. In the end my feelings of pride come from giving my best, knowing in my core that I gave it all, kept on pushing, didn’t give up. Even if I finish last, if I’ve left nothing in the tank, who can ask for more!