A weight off my mind.

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I previously have gauged my dietary successes, or more often failures, by that number on the scales. The mood of my day, could be determined simply by the numbers that popped up when I jumped on first thing in the morning. If I was heavier than I wanted I be, I was a failure, useless, lacking self control and ashamed of myself for it. This sort of blow to my sense of self worth would have me failing before the day had even begun. “I am a fat failure so why even bother!” I would be reaching for the nearest chocolate bar I could find to soothe my sorry self. If I had good numbers, well awesome, I was a legend of excellence or if I hadn’t eaten well the day before just damn lucky that karma had shone her happy goodness on me and not made me as fat as I deserved. God forbid I’d been training hard and eating well and still had a bad day on the scales, what was even the point. I might as well just eat crap, I was going to be fat no matter how hard I tried. As a result of the numbers on the scales I have been off and on the healthy eating bandwagon like a carousel and each time I failed I felt a little bit more hopeless and more like a failure.

A smart man once said that it was idiotic to do the same thing repeatedly, but expect a different result (or at least something along those lines!). So maybe it’s time for me to do it differently this time. Maybe those scales aren’t helping, but causing some of the problems. Those scales have been the end point of all my health goals since I started dieting when I was 12 years old! WHY?

So i am making a change. I haven’t weighed myself and made a starting weight. I’m not sure of a goal weight either, this is lifelong lifestyle change, not diet to meet a goal, then eat crap and put it all back on (and then some). I am eating well and exercising so I feel healthy, fit and energetic. I am not exercising and eating well to have a goal of a number on the scales. So here I go. I have allowed myself a once monthly weigh. I have packed those scales in the cupboard, (out of mind, out of sight) and when someone asks me how much weight I’ve lost I will tell them “who the hell knows? But I feel fabulous!” And you know something amazing has happened….I feel liberated!

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